A personal reflection on fatherhood
We are thinking of all dads and father figures on Father's Day, sending extra love to those who may be separated from their children or have complicated relationships with their families.
Nearly half of the men in state or federal prison have at least one minor child, according to a U.S. Department of Justice survey. So we took some time to talk to Jason*: a father and creative who writes music, tells stories. We asked him to share some of his thoughts on fatherhood and on becoming a parent, while incarcerated, to his now three year-old son who lives in a different state.
What does being a father mean to you?
A parent is a child's first teacher. They say it's a responsibility. It is, but it's a learning responsibility. You don't master that overnight, being a parent, being a teacher or being anything! It's gonna take time.
What was becoming a father like for you?
I wasn't supposed to have no kids, because I wasn't mentally ready. When I became a father at 25, that really pushed me to elevate and go for more in life. Because I now have offspring, I have my own soul that I got to worry about that didn't ask to be here.
When I went to prison for three years,...my momma sent me the pictures, it f***** me up. I cried, I couldn't even look at the photos. He was a blessing man, and I had wanted to get rid of him. When I got those, I was thinking, I was a father. ‘I gotta take care of him. He's my responsibility.’ Yeah, it motivated me, I was like I can't go back to prison. It's like being away in prison is really worse than being dead. Because you know that person is there and you really can't reach out to them. So I FaceTime him everyday. I love him, he's like me. He's got creativity, he’s got a lot of character.
I know your son lives out of state, which must be difficult. How has being involved in the criminal legal system affected you as a father?
Everyday waking up, knowing that I got a son, too, and I can't even get on a plane to see my son anytime I want to. I got $500 in my pocket, I can't even get on a plane and go see my son without [getting permission].
This is the life that I chose, but I'm making the best of it though, don't get me wrong. I got a good support team, I got my son, he's three years old. I could talk to him when he gets old and teach him to be aware. That's my goal, my motivation.
Who were the men in your life that you looked to for guidance?
I had a grandfather who made sure I was drinking before he taught me something. My dad wasn't really in my life like that. I ain't trying to be funny but Family Matters, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Martin Lawrence? Those who I wanted to be like, like watching House of Payne, Meet the Browns…those are the kinds of father figures I used to look forward to because I didn't have that in my life.
I didn't have no life skills, I'm barely getting life skills now at 26 years old. I'm gonna educate [my son] so that he gonna always have the life skills that I wasn't given. Like guidance, I felt alone - he ain't have to worry about any of that. Like even if he get in trouble in the law, I know the law now. He gonna be good, regardless, I'm always going to have his back. That's how I want my son to feel. That's what I'm gonna instill in him because this wasn't instilled in me.
*Jason is a pseudonym used to protect client confidentiality.